Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
