I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
