oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
