all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
