When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
