the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize