Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
