yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You don't make any sense
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