plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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