I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
