Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
