Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Randomize
