Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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