Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
