I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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