new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize
