i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
