I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
