I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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