dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
