How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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