i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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