I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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