Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
