I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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