I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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