i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
