Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
