I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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