dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
