maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
