I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
