Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
