she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
