I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
