Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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