he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize