Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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