yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
