Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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