His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
