K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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