I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
