so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
