I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
