The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize