you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
