my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
