At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
