Me. At least after what I've been through.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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