I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
one might say we're banned from that church
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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