he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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