Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
