The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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