my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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