Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
