Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
did you just send me my own nude
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
