Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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