By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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