I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
