It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
