I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
