Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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