just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
