I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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