Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Sacagawea was the original milf.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
