I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
