her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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