Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
