I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
