I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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