she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
