are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
