He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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