had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
