I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
