Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
