1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
