Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
