woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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