What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
