Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
