i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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