Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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