the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
