When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize