You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
