I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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