Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize