never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
it was like having sex with a tree stump
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
