"it" just moved
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Two words: blizzard sex
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
