It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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